Praying for Yourself and Others

(The following is an edited email correspondence.)

After hearing your lecture, "Ask, and You Shall Receive," I have a question concerning prayer and intercesssory prayers.

I suppose that it would be selfish for a person to pray for himself all the time, and that we should also spend time praying for others. But then, there is a teaching at [name of church] that we should spend most of our time praying for others, since blessings will come back to the person.

However, this seems like a silly argument in that the focus has never been the other people, since the point is that if the person prays for others, then he will be blessed even more.

The teaching involves a false application of the virtue of selflessness. Some of the evangelical teachings on "forgiveness" and the charismatic teachings on "sowing and reaping" also exhibit a similar error. Sometimes selflessness is so distorted that the teaching really amounts to either selfishness, or just sinful neglect and rebellion.

When it comes to feeding the hungry, for example, it is not heroic or selfless to feed only others and not ourselves, even when the food is right in front of us, and when we are fully capable of bringing the food to our mouths. It is sinfully stupid to unnecessarily starve yourself so that you may feed the hungry. The "sacrifice" is wholly artificial.

First, not only are we responsible to serve others, but we are also responsible to take care of ourselves, since we belong to God, and not ourselves. When we take care of ourselves in the way and with a motive dictated by biblical precepts, we are not being selfish, but we are being responsible with God’s property.

Second, Scripture itself says that God gives us good things to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17), so that provided we have the right motives and provided that we do all things in moderation, it is not sinful to partake of food, drink, material goods, and the blessings of God even beyond that which is necessary for survival.

I am more aware of my own needs than other people, and I should not defy the word of God by either ignoring those needs, or by trying to meet those needs by praying for someone else, especially when the word of God instructs me to pray for myself:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (Mark 11:24)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

There are many other biblical passages teaching this; moreover, Jesus, Paul, and other holy men often prayed for themselves. This is not automatically a sign of selfishness, but given the right motive, it can be a sign of holy dependence on God as the source of all power and blessing, and a holy confidence in his ability and willingness to do all that is needed and expedient to uphold his people and advance his kingdom.

As you have mentioned, to pray for others so that our needs will be met is like praying for ourselves, only that it is a hypocritical way to do it. We might as well pray for our own needs, and then pray for the needs of others — we should do both.

A person is often more aware of his own needs and desires than others, and one of the best things that you can do for him is to teach him how to pray for himself. This is very different from telling him to be selfish, to disregard other people’s needs, or to put his own needs before other people’s needs, for God will not hear a selfish person anyway. Rather, we are teaching him to maintain right fellowship with God, sincerely crying out to him out of faith and dependence. This is a beautifully holy and mature practice, and by no means selfish. After all, if you pray for another person at all, one of the best answers to your prayers would be if he can have such a relationship with God, so that he will trust God, and call upon him for all his needs and desires.

Then, some people think that any inward focus in your spiritual life is always wrong, and that the only proper focus is outward, as in evangelism. But this is also against the teaching of Scripture:

A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. (1 Corinthians 11:28)

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you — unless, of course, you fail the test? (2 Corinthians 13:5)

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:5)

Again, the problem is just a distortion of the virtue of selflessness, to a point of being foolish and even sinful.

When I was converted, I believed Christ for myself, not for anyone else — I was a sinner, and I needed God to save me. But by believing the gospel for myself, there was one more person saved — me. It would have been both foolish and sinful to refuse conversion so that I could immediately start to evangelize. In the same way, if I have access to God, and I am aware of my own needs, it would be both foolish and sinful not to pray for myself.

In fact, given what Scripture teaches on the subject, it would be an insult to God’s grace if we fail to regularly petition for our own needs and desires, keeping in mind, of course, that we must pray with a pure motive, and in accordance with God’s will as expressed in Scripture.

But of course, if I am selfless, and if I have the right spirit, I would also take time to pray for others, and rejoice when God meets their needs. I would also agree with the idea that we should generally spend more time praying for others and for God’s kingdom than for our own individual needs and desires. The point is that it is not necessarily selfish, but rather appropriate and necessary, to regularly approach God to petition for our own needs and desires.

Recommended:

Vincent Cheung, Prayer and Revelation

Vincent Cheung, The Sermon on the Mount

Vincent Cheung, Commentary on Ephesians