But still, it is common to object, "I have no problem obeying a loving husband, but what if I married a man who does not follow the example of Christ?" These women are liars. The truth is that they will not obey their husbands even if they are as holy and loving as Christ himself. This is because the command to obey their husbands comes from Christ in the first place! So in suggesting reasons to dismiss the command to obey, they have already disobeyed Christ. Thus the problem is not their husbands, but their sinful resistance to authority.

Remember that Peter's instruction to the wives (3:1-6) is written precisely to prepare them on facing hostility and mistreatment from their husbands. He does not say to be submissive only when the husbands treat them with understanding and with honor. Rather, he writes to wives whose husbands might be unbelievers altogether, so that there is no telling how they might treat these women. Christian wives must submit even to these men. They are to "put their hope in God," "do what is right," and "do not give way to fear."

Make no mistake: the husbands could abuse their authority, and indeed many of them do. But if the proper use of authority is the precondition for obedience, then 3:1-6 would be meaningless and unnecessary. In fact, this would defeat the purpose of 2:13-25 as well, and also much of Peter's letter. Those women who say that they will be obedient as long as their husbands are "reasonable" completely miss the point, and in this they sin against the Lord just as much as their uncaring and abusive husbands.

When Peter pressed Jesus about another disciple, the Lord replied, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me" (John 21:22). Although it is true that the husband's behavior carries tremendous consequences for the wife's welfare, the same principle applies. The command to obey the husband comes directly from God, and it is to God that the wife must give account. So we say to the wife, "If the husband sins, what is that to you?" As Paul writes, "To his own master he stands or falls" (Romans 14:4). But you must follow the Lord.

Nevertheless, we acknowledge that unloving, unfaithful, and abusive husbands are rampant in our society, and even in our churches. One reason for this is that church leaders have not been insistent enough on teaching and enforcing the biblical commands in this area.

Now, if we take a harsh tone with rebellious and overbearing women, we offer a still stronger rebuke toward husbands who do not cherish their wives. We think that they are not men, but ignorant and savage beasts. They must repent, turn from their sins against the Lord and their wives, and follow Christ's example.

In addition, what we have just said about the women also applies to the men. That is, they are to love their wives even as Christ loves his church and gave himself for her, whether or not these wives follow the biblical command to submit and obey. Yes, a woman without a gentle and quiet spirit can be so intolerable that she could drive a man to utter despair, and sometimes even to suicide. Some would rather perish than to bear her nonsense any longer. But this is also where sacrifice comes in. Christian love is not mere animal affection, but it mirrors God's self-giving attitude toward his elect sinners.

Just as women should look to God for preservation when dealing their unloving husbands, the husbands can find strength from the Spirit and inspiration from the love of Christ when dealing with their rebellious wives. And perhaps by their strong leadership and unfailing love, the husbands will even win over some of these women to the way of the Lord.

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